Vestibriüm University Hospital (Gnuundärd, ISL), OR-07. 15 October 2003, 06:37:51...

DR. Q. SÜURD, M.D.: Here, let me show you something. See that supinoial artery just above the deleroid nerve cluster? Now, watch what happens when I apply pressure to the anterior ligaestion.

DR. LORI KÖRDANN, M.D.: Damn it, Süurd!

SÜURD: A little trick I learned in med school. Anatomy is a funny thing, don't you think? But, uh... You can see how the flow is connected. Fascinating vasculature in these things.

KÖRDANN: Suction, please. It took me twenty minutes to prep that cavity.

SÜURD: Well, the pressure was way too high anyway. You're lucky nothing ruptured, the way you had that clamped. Uh... You didn't get any in your eye, did you?

KÖRDANN: No.

SÜURD: Well, then...

KÖRDANN: Wait... Something did rupture. See the excretions? Now I've got to suture the membrane too. More suction, please. Wait... Better rinse first.

SÜURD: Yeah, well... Good practice. Tying those knots, I mean.

KÖRDANN: I suppose. Where's the... I can feel the protrusion, but I can't see any... Oh, there it is. Could you give me some, uh... Number six, please?

SURGICAL NURSE: Dossöirr extension?

KÖRDANN: Yeah, if you have one, that would be good.

LESLIE MÖSKNVORR: So, how's the dialogue coming?

SÜURD: Dialogue? How do you mean?

KÖRDANN: We're in the midst of dialogue. And I'm taking notes.

SÜURD: Very clever. I mean with the metatarsal and all... The way you're sewing that up. But don't think it hasn't been done before. And remember, a Nobel Prize in literature doesn't pay any more than one in, uh... Medicine or whatever, so I...

KÖRDANN: I'm sorry... That tissue isn't viable here. I opt for cutting.

SÜURD: Go ahead. I forgot what I was saying anyway.

KÖRDANN: I would probably just leave it... I mean, if I weren't concerned about brain damage. But there is such a thing as over-stimulation, you know.

SÜURD: Hmmm... Maybe. But I wouldn't want you to bleed out.

KÖRDANN: It's... (Hold this here.) It's a script. I'm just consulting... Advising on the medical dialogue.

SÜURD: Ah... Injecting a dose of the Hippocratic vernacular into erroneous muddle. Hope you find a vein.

KÖRDANN: What?

SÜURD: Nothing.

KÖRDANN: Now your pressure's dropping, and, um... Yeah, this lining doesn't have the elasticity we anticipated. I don't... You want to squirt some saline in there? Just to keep it moist?

SÜURD: It's your [ -inaudible- ].

MÖSKNVORR: You know, I think Lori makes most of it up. The medical terminology, I mean.

KÖRDANN: I do, indeed. A few years ago... (Okay, you can let go now. But hold off on the suction until I finish.) A few years ago, I did this for television. That script was textbook accurate when I finished -- even double-checked the Latin.

SÜURD: God bless you.

KÖRDANN: But those... Those obtuse producers... They just picked out a handful of words they liked, and indiscriminately scattered them about. Totally random, with no context whatsoever. I mean... Like, in the middle of an episiotomy, an intern asked for a Mastoid curette so he could "exacerbate the Medulla Oblongata." I was mortified. Imagine what my students thought.

SÜURD: Well, episiotomy is certainly a form of exacerbation. And, if you're into that sort of thing, a Mastoid curette is a fine implement, arguably on par with a Mandibular. In fact, I recall one time...

KÖRDANN: You better tie that one off. I'm gonna want to close soon.

SÜURD: Right. Well, there's nothing wrong with making up words. All these convoluted medical phrases... They're just suggestions -- illustrations of general style. If I didn't fabricate language, I never would have graduated from Harvard, or gone on to publish the volumes I have.

MÖSKNVORR: But this is dialogue...

SÜURD: My dear, please let me finish. I mean, what in tarnation is a "deleroid nerve cluster"? I've written over three and a half books on the topic, and I don't know a darn thing...

KÖRDANN: Okay. This is where we close. I don't want to exacerbate...

SÜURD: What? You think you can leave the metatarsal like that? I mean, the ligature is hanging all over...

KÖRDANN: Cut it. Please.